Hi. My name is Myshara Leta. A bit of background on my name first: my dad made up my first name, Myshara, and it’s pronounced “mu-SHAR-ah” (or something close to that, it’s hard to make the phonetics sound right to me. I’ll have a video up on my TikTok where I pronounce it). My middle name, Leta (“lee-tah”), is a family name passed down from my maternal great-great-grandmother. My last names are a secret because of my safety and because I don’t feel like either of them are mine. One is my mom’s, and one is my dad’s and I’ve never felt like they quite belong to me.
Today, I wanted to talk about what it means to me to become Myshara Leta. This is a kind of continuation of talking about quitting the Bachelor of Education, but so much more than that. It’s been six months since I quit that program, and I can tell you I’ve been doing better. Not in every way, but in lots of ways.
I’m a housewife, or homemaker if you prefer. “Housewife” feels a bit more right to me. I feel so fulfilled by cleaning my house and taking care of my boyfriend and all the chores while he works. Supporting him makes me so happy. This is probably the only time I’ll talk about this: but I am a feminist. I am a true feminist, who believes that women fought for the right to choose their own paths in life. I will happily use that right and choose to do what so many women before me have done: wife and (eventually) mother.
I will admit, I struggled a lot to write this post. I struggled with my depression and the feeling of unworthiness that I felt about myself. But I realized how important it was to write this and prove myself wrong about that.
So, this is about me becoming Myshara Leta. I’ll start by telling you what that means to me. Myshara Leta is an author, a future mother, and a contented person. She has friends she talks to books about and plans to travel the world. She has more good days than bad days. She is fearless. She is brave. And the best of all, she is close. Myshara Leta is who I’ve been trying to get to for a long time. I thought she was a teacher for a long time, but these last six months have given me the time to see her as someone else–someone so much better suited to her personality. I’m going to work hard every day to become her. That starts right here, with this laptop, this blog, this post.
I’ll end by telling you that the road to becoming who you are is hard. It’s long. It might not happen when you’re 18, or 30, or 50. But having an image in your mind at age 18 makes it faster. I thought I knew who I wanted to be then. I had a very clear image. Even though that’s changed now, it helped to picture myself as something and aim for it. Turns out, I wasn’t that far off. I will end up using every bit of knowledge and skills that I learned during my bachelor’s degree, though it sometimes feels useless to have spent all that time and money. It’s so far from useless. Neither you nor I can do anything that ends up useless. All that we do makes up a part of who we were meant to be. I treasure that degree, even though it didn’t bring me a conventional job right after graduation. I wouldn’t want that, anyway.
I think I’m going to end this post here. It’s philosophical at the end there, and I don’t want to get caught up in all the fancy words. I’ve been told I have a problem with that.
Thank you so much for reading this. I’m terribly sorry if it makes little sense. But if it does, I hope you feel not so alone. We’re all in our own boats in this sea of life, which means we’ve all been lost at some point. I hope this can help you find your way. It certainly helps me every day.
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